Jun 10, 2014

Twas the night before... Diagnosis?

Well tomorrow's the big day... As I sit in a hotel room in Moncton my mind is racing (well to be honest it has been all week). 

My husband and I dropped off our youngest Izabella in Montague at my Mom & Step Dad's today and then picked our big girl Samantha up from school and dropped her off at my step Mom's before driving to Moncton to spend the night so we wouldn't have as early as a morning departure to Saint John tomorrow to determine my 'fate'.

I'm trying my best to find the joy among the fear today especially.  Enjoying alone time with my hubby which is rare for us.  We did some shopping, checked into a nice hotel and went for a lovely dinner at a nice Italian Restaurant and had some laughs.  But to be honest my mind is drifting often in between the 'joy' moments. But I am grateful my husband is home right now and is by my side.

I have come to the conclusion that no matter what the outcome is tomorrow it's going to suck.  IF I'm diagnosed tomorrow with Parkinson's Disease that sucks.  Sucks the big one.  It's scary as hell...   But if I'm not diagnosed with Parkinson's that sucks too, cause I'll be back to square one all over again.  Back to a place where I know something is screwing up my body but no idea of what and therefore no treatment options.  So, tomorrow sucks.  No matter how you look at it, it just sucks.

So I shall find the joy in my glass of wine
 make an honest attempt to get some form of sleep (which is rare for me at the best of times, let along this week) and say a prayer that tomorrow has a definitive answer.  A diagnosis for the turmoil my body has been increasingly going through.  A start of a new chapter where I can deal with things as opposed to wishing I knew what was causing them.  No mater how I try and spin it though, I am clean terrified...
Until tomorrow....

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