Jul 12, 2014

All good things come in yellow

Yellow has always been my favorite colour.  It's bright and cheery.  It seems like a fun colour to me.  Many beautiful and wonderful things come in yellow.  It's a colour that has always made me happy if I wear it, paint it on a wall, find a great pair of heels in it.  It's just a great colour that makes me feel happy because I think it's a happy shade of the rainbow.  Most recently I've found myself wondering if one can find joy in the colour yellow for something unusual?  A little yellow pill perhaps?  My levodopa is yellow and at first when I started taking it I hated it.  But as time goes on my attitude about that is changing.

First of all, I hate pills of any kind.  I have never been one to take even so much as an Advil unless I absolutely have to and nothing else has worked.  I'm not an all out health hippy or anything, but I do believe our society as a whole relies far too much on a pill to fix everything and anything.  Parents rush their children to an walk in clinic the moment they have a sniffle, adults rush to the Doctor for a miracle pill for whatever ails them.  Don't get me wrong there are times we all need a pill of some sort to fix things, but I think generally we are becoming too dependent on the quick fixes of such.  People are becoming immune to antibiotics and super bugs are being formed because they are antibiotic resistant.  These things should tell us something.  I have an amazing family Doctor that I trust and if he thinks I should take something I will, so don't get me wrong I'm not opposed.  But I also have an amazing Naturopathic Doctor who often has wonderful solutions to things outside of western medicine and the need for a pharmaceutical.  I was put on a couple of neurological meds in the initial months of my health issues when they were still trying to figure things out.  Both rounds of meds were nasty.  The first I wasn't even able to function, let alone be a mother with a husband that works away for weeks at a time.  The second I tolerated a bit better but it still had some pretty nasty side effects and most importantly I wasn't being treated for the right thing, so it had no benefit to my issues.

So to say I was reluctant to start taking the new 'little yellow pill" when the Parkinson's Neurologist talked to me about it would be an understatement.  Sadly in order to be properly diagnosed it was a necessary evil, as its commun particularly in young onset patients to diagnosed based on treatment working.  So, after doing as much reading on it as I could I popped that first little yellow pill.  I certainly did not see beauty in it like I typically do in the colour yellow, especially in the beginning with the nausea and stoned feelings.  However, I will admit that now that I have started on the full dose after 6 weeks of slow increasing of doses and my body has adjusted I am starting to feel as though perhaps there is some joy in my new little yellow friend.  Not 24/7 joy but periods of time.  Particuarly an hour or so after taking one my tremor seems to ease off (I've even had a couple of days it was gone for a couple of hours entirely, despite the neurologist telling me it likely wouldn't help the tremor) and I'm able to hold a pen to write a note, or do some fine motor tasks with much less frustration than before.  That along with the slowness and stiffness in moving particularly after sitting for long periods is much better.  So, perhaps despite my hate for pills, maybe this ones worth liking.  I hope not forever, but for the moment, for now.

I hear quite often things like "you're so busy, always on the go" or "you look really great, you don't look like your sick" and many other such statements.  At first hearing these things really irritated me.  My thought process was this... So I'm having health problems, I'm sadly unable to work because of them.  So does this translate to people that IF I leave the house I should only do so in a ratty old pair of sweats, not do my hair or makeup and make sure I look the way I feel, which is often crappy?  Am I suppose to sit around the house with a 6 year old and a 2.5 year old and not let my children have any fun?  To these types of statements my feelings on them are this. 

1.  Just because you do not feel great, it does not mean you should look it too. 
2.  If you look pretty (or wear a rockin' pair of heels) you will feel pretty and in turn better to an extent at least.
3.  Confidence and courage to endure a crap day can often be found in looking good and getting a compliment.
4.  I refuse to walk out my door in a pair of pj pants, or wear sweats everyday just because my body does not cooperate.  It is not me, and I will not do it. 
5.  IF the day comes where you see me dressed frumpy and never wearing heels anymore that is the day my friends and family should worry... because that is the day I officially gave up... and I do not plan on doing that...
6.  I have a 6 year old and a 2.5 year old I am a MOM FIRST... They come first.  Their needs, their hopes, their dreams, their desires, their happiness comes first and ALWAYS will.  Any of my health issues or uncooperative body parts come second to them.  No matter what.
7.  I will make sure my children have great childhood memories that include a mother that played with them, had fun with them and took them to gain new experiences and memories if it kills me.  If I pay for it dearly which often I do, so be it.  They deserve that and I refuse to let my body deny them of that.

Don't get me wrong.  Most of those comments and statements I hear are completely just compliments, which I appreciate so very much.  If you haven't complimented someone yet today you really should.  Sometimes you just don't know what that person may have going on in their life that day and a simple, kind gesture or compliment might just be what they need to get through the rest of the day.  Be kind, be sensitive and genuine to everyone. 

So after that little rant Ha! Ha!  I guess my point to all of that is that in my journey of finding joy I'm sometimes finding joy in the most unexpected places.  Like in the little yellow pill.  I've found in the last couple of weeks I'm able to do a little more.  I'm not back to my old self by any means.  But I'm able to do a craft with my kids provided I time it right with my little yellow friend entering my system.  So it's something to be grateful for.  I also find tremendous joy in that bright yellow beautiful sun that summer brings.  Vitamin D is a huge and very beneficial thing for anyones health but particularly in sufferers of neurological conditions such as MS, Parkinsons and many other health problems.  So there's no doubt that you get an automatic pick me up or energy boost from that beautiful yellow thing in the sky.  I also find joy in the fact that we live on an Island surrounded by beautiful beaches.  Where even on a bad body day I can take my girls to one and literally sit on my butt and do nothing all day long while they play happily for hours on end.  They don't realize Mom's not feeling well because they are too busy having fun and I don't need to fight with my body to make it cooperate because I can just sit and do nothing. 

And how can you not be happy even if you feel crappy with the summer smiles & cuddles of two sweet girls!

So there is just so much joy to be had in all things yellow.  Even a little yellow pill.


  1. You are a writer at heart Natasha. This will help someone who has the same struggles, brave and admirable lady! ~Shannon

    1. Ahh Thanks Shannon you're very sweet...
      I write mostly because I find it therapeutic, I never really intended to share it and didn't the first couple months... but then I got thinking about how it's nearly impossible to try and explain such things to someone who isn't going through it and I found comfort in reading some books like Michael J Fox's Always looking up and some other blogs by PD patients, forums etc... and I thought that maybe there are other people that I could relate to as well.

      And well I'm an open book, don't believe in secrets or holding back it's just not me... so I share it... if people find interest in it or perhaps help then that's a bonus! If nothing else maybe people can try and understand some of the frustrations that go with it, instead of assuming...
      Sometimes we face obstacles that are out of our control, you can either roll with it and fight or give up... I choose the latter.. (most days) ;-)

  2. We are so alike in alot of ways...I LOVE heels too lol and have mom guilt lots too during chemo weeks esp...Keep finding that joy Warrior - even if you have to dig deep - its hard but worth it :) And I totally get the comments...being bald makes my appearance a little more obvious so people are surprised when I don't look like death warmed over lol...I always try to look my best when I'm seeing people I don't see very often...and I agree wholeheartedly with you - it does make you feel better when you look good. So dress up and enjoy being beautiful :)

    1. A rockin' pair of heels always makes a girl feel better!!! Glad to hear we're on the same page in that regard ;-)
      And you as well keep finding that joy end enjoying some 'herbs' and spices and all things that make you happy, feel better & on your warrior path of greatness! I mailed you a little something a couple weeks ago, hope you got it my new friend!